Well, I guess an armband beats a toe tag every day, all day. However, the food at Union Memorial Hospital might make you wish otherwise. As a dining patron of the establishment, thanks to United Health Care, I got to learn more about hospital food than I ever wanted to know. My first evening’s dnner. . . well, as of Tuesday night, the powers that be still hadn’t brought any microwaveable dinners — what they serve after the Cinderella hour of 6 pm — to my floor for the week. A nurse took pity on me and scrounged up 2 tuna sandwiches and some orange sherbet, since I had not eaten for 24 hours.
Having signed on my registration that I am Jewish (I don’t keep Kosher, but they didn’t know that), they brought for breakfast some boiled ham. They also brought pancakes and cantaloupe, which happen to be my three least favorite foods on God’s green Earth. Apparently, this is the “default” breakfast you get if you are sleeping or otherwise incapacitated when they’re putting in orders the night before. Possibly I was under anesthesia. No doubt I was under anesthesia, come to think of it, if I allowed my three least favorite foods to be placed before me. Luckier folks got vanilla yogurt with peaches and granola, apparently.
So, it wouldn’t do for my situation to go without food, but I wasn’t gonna touch the ham, Sam I am. They then brought out a strawberry yogurt (Probably C- in my food preferences), two flaked cereals of some sort, coffee that I’d sooner use as a furniture cleansing rinse, and sugar. I’m more of a Splenda or Equal type person, but you’d be surprised to learn that a hospital pushes the sugar first. I guess profit before carb-watching.
Though I left around noon the following day, lunch had not been served. Had I tarried, I had the choice of: sugar, salt, pepper, Pot roast of beef by default, turkey sandwich/multi grain roll, chicken parmigiano, turkey salad, mashed potatoes, roasted red potatoes by default. parslied noodles, cream of broccoli soup/crackers, green garden salad, lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, mustard, Seasoned mixed vegetables by default, broccoli spears, seasoned carrots, 2 sugar cookies, chocolate mousse with whipped topping, chilled pears, saltine crackers 3 pkg, dinner roll w/margarine, coffee reg or decaf, tea hot, iced, or decaf.
I HOPE that there will be CHANGE of hospital food under President Trump.